Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sexy Russian Spy

I underwent a transformation a couple of weeks ago. I took my limp, shoulder length, dishwater blonde hair and changed it into something new. Cut, color, everything. I was a new me. I went over to show my friends and got rave reviews. And one review that was strange.

"Yeah, I like it," my male neighbor said. "You look like a sexy, Russian spy."

Um... thanks? I think.

Me. A sexy. Russian. Spy. I've been called many things before in my life but sexy, Russian spy was definitely a first. I went to a close friend with this information. "Does my hair say sexy, Russian spy?"

"Yeah," she said. "I can see that."

"What about it says sexy, Russian spy?" I ask.

"The bangs. Definitely the bangs."

Funny. I thought bangs said things like I'm stuck in the 80's or I'm 36 going on 11. But never Eastern Block counterintelligence seductress.

I thought about this idea for awhile. And then I started to like the idea. I thought I would try it on.

Well? What do you think? Do I look remotely sexy? Forget about that. Do I look remotely Russian? After looking at the picture I decided I didn't look like either. All I saw was a girl looking like she was trying out for Charlie's Angels (that is supposed to be a fake gun in my hand, so realistic).

But if I was going to be a Russian spy (let's just drop the sexy, it's never going to happen, at least not while I've had four kids), I would have to come up with an alias. Something like Svetlana or Natasha. And I would talk like this "Heel-o, my nyame is Nyatasha."

What kind of spy would I be? Would I be like James Bond all martinis and seduction? Probably not because we already dropped the sexy part. Maybe Ethan Hunt? No, because he is part of a team. I work alone. How about Jason Bourne? Yeah, I could do that. I love the idea of secret safe deposit boxes full of money and different identities. I would kick butt first and ask questions later. I would speak six languages (one of course would be Russian). I would know how to jump off buildings into windows across alleys. I would have a gun on my hip and a secret knife strapped to my leg. I would be able to disarm a man with my pointer finger. You can tell I've thought about this. A lot.

Anyway. I'm not a spy. I'm not Russian. And with the amount of time I spend in mismatched pajamas I'm surely not sexy. It was fun to pretend for awhile. And if I ever get bored with my life I'll just go to the hairstylist and say "Geeve me zhe sexy, Russian spy look."


  1. Play out your dream with Goldeneye 007 on the Wii. It's supposed to be pretty fun.

  2. You are a funny gal! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

  3. I'm totally going for Mrs. Pollifax in my old age!
    I do like the bangs. I can't tell from the your hair

  4. I definitely see the sexy Russian spy thing. And wouldn't it be a great cover to write a blog post about how you are NOT a sexy Russian spy? Ha! I've got it all figured out!

  5. I love your new hair cut! And I sure can see the sexy Russian spy in you. :)


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